Power Failure

The Darkness

It inhabited me.

Empty feelings

resided & drained

What little I had left-

Other Worldly

Assumed its place

Temporarily

inside my Soul.

Temporarily.

Temporarily.

You don’t reside Here anymore.

 

The Celestials

They are Talking

I can hear Them.

They talk about me all of the time.

Another language

I can hear

When they Speak

They are Deciding

Whether I am gonna live or gonna die.

They are the Judges

They Judge Me

It’s Only Just a Matter of Time

Unrighteous

Yours is the doorway to death.
& I’ve let you on the inside.

I came
I came

& I came again

I couldn’t get you out of my mind.

My self destructive tendencies-
so cordial with how you waited

I wanted to die
I wanted to die

I wanted to die because I was baited.

You are the destruction
The Torment
the Death

I feel every day.

You stole my home
You stole my womb
You stole my life

& stole my fight.

I was a prisoner because you baited me
I should have known better

I tried

& The Demons Possessed Me

Am I powerless to change?

Am I powerless to be anything different after so many tries?

Will He redeem me?

Tell me to help myself?

Tell me He’s had enough?

or just let me die?

I’m tired of failing.

Every day I taste defeat.

You would think it tastes so great to me…

my stomach’s full beyond capacity.

I’m alone in my body.

My emotions,  my diseases, my body,

me…

Backslider

I face myself.

& I’ve failed,

& I’m about to die.

Tired of living in shame

Of failing my God,

Myself,

My future and my family.

I cling to hope, wondering… if it’s truly there within my sight.

Wondering,

if redemption is truly possible at this point.

After squandering it so many times

I am weak.

& grovel on the floor to find reasons…

why there is still breath in me.

Am I the smoldering flame?

Or the wick that’s been burned already?

I no longer have a place.

I no longer have a place.

Used up

On borrowed time.

He will not see me,

until I die…

Or Perhaps when I am clean.

Broken & undone.

I’ve lost my way.

I hold the door  &  yet I’ve closed it in his face.

I hold the door I make choices…

& every day I walk away.

There is no hiding place.

I turn away…

& hate what I see.

I hate what I see in the mirror.

I hate what I see on my face.

I hate when look at mysef.

I hate that I’ve come to this place.

How could God not hate me more?

If there is no good in me.

What is there to hold onto in life,

after constantly disobeying?

All the Wisdom and Knowledge that He’s graced me with,

I have failed to follow.

I’m just a failure to Him.

A failure to you.

& a failure to me.

Backslider.

Just another day

& yet its all the same as the others.

So tired-

all I do is disappoint.

Try so hard

or so I think-

some days-

and yet it’s easy to let it all go to waste.

I think of all the

Lost Opportunities.

Squandered Opportunities.

So many to sort from-

that will never Change.

I hope to find those-

that will live again.

Breath holding tears flowing-

I cry out in vain.

My wait is on the outcome

I may never see that day.

My wait is on the outcome

My dreams die in vain.