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I face myself.

& I’ve failed,

& I’m about to die.

Tired of living in shame

Of failing my God,

Myself,

My future and my family.

I cling to hope, wondering… if it’s truly there within my sight.

Wondering,

if redemption is truly possible at this point.

After squandering it so many times

I am weak.

& grovel on the floor to find reasons…

why there is still breath in me.

Am I the smoldering flame?

Or the wick that’s been burned already?

I no longer have a place.

I no longer have a place.

Used up

On borrowed time.

He will not see me,

until I die…

Or Perhaps when I am clean.

Broken & undone.

I’ve lost my way.

I hold the door  &  yet I’ve closed it in his face.

I hold the door I make choices…

& every day I walk away.

There is no hiding place.

I turn away…

& hate what I see.

I hate what I see in the mirror.

I hate what I see on my face.

I hate when look at mysef.

I hate that I’ve come to this place.

How could God not hate me more?

If there is no good in me.

What is there to hold onto in life,

after constantly disobeying?

All the Wisdom and Knowledge that He’s graced me with,

I have failed to follow.

I’m just a failure to Him.

A failure to you.

& a failure to me.

Backslider.